1.31.06

The sky was incredibly blue today, i was in awe. The colours weren't of it's casual light blue, but rather a deep endless blue. The clouds were still clearing from the rain last night, and they were of the purest white heaven had to offer. They were scattered across the whole sky as if we were face to face with a separate world, clear of corruption. It was fun to look at.

I would really like to say more, but nothing significant really happened. My mind is numb from sleepiness. I slept for six hours last night because i'm an idiot. I viewed some comics made by Don Hertzfeldt for about an hour or two and soon enough it was 1.30 AM. Luckily for me, i had school in seven hours.

I also drew a picture, but it wouldn't upload right. Anyways, good night.

1.29.06

There was a trail i used to visit in my times of trouble. I would lay in the grass, using my longboard as a cushion, and dream at the stars.. I went there tonight. Once again, I waited for the stars to send me a sign. They didn't. I found myself dumbfounded instead of dreamy, like i would be sometimes. For a while i could only stare at the beauty of it all, and afterwards i dragged myself home in shock.

I visited the street lights in the parking lot as well; the ones i would dance underneath along the painted street lines. The lights were extinguished for whatever reason or reasons. I dropped to my knees and stared at the dark poles for about twenty minutes. Those lights once helped me get through some of the most rigid times of my life, and within those twenty minutes, i watched every single moment of those rigid times; the fall and recovery. I felt better afterwards.

My mind is tired, my body is tired, and so waits a decent night's sleep. Have a good night.

1.25.06

And she ran ran ran,
round and round and round.
Ran ran ran,
around around around.
But where is to run,
when there's nowhere to go.
She lives in a box,
doesn't know where to go..

1.23.06

1.618...

I have found a new passionate love for reading. Within the past week i have independently read more than i have ever read in such a short period of time. As of now, i am reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. After finishing, i am looking forward to reading Angels and Demons by the same author.

The Da Vinci Code has introduced me to Leonardo Da Vinci a bit more than i have already known of him. The book has ignited a new sense of, not only respect, but desire to research topics that floated around Da Vinci's notebook. For some reason, understanding concepts of PHI and the pentacle brings up the same adrenaline that i would have before playing a gig with my band, or something of that sort. The difference is the thought; instead of "Yes yes yes yes" it is more like, "Wow, that is amazing. Genius." and i tend to laugh sometimes... out loud..

Sometimes i wonder if i really do think "too much." I, personally, never would've thought of the concept of thinking too much, but people have their preferences. I probably do to some people.. maybe even most.. all...

I've decided not to share my deepest thoughts with other people as openly as i do. Many don't like it. Some hate it, or make it seem as if they do. Instead of blurting out my thoughts, i'm just going to post them here. Maybe someone will understand them, or want to. Who knows, anything can happen.

How come everybody must get stoned? I suppose a part of society just likes it that way..

Sometimes i wonder if i'm crazy, or if other's are really right when they may think, "He's just caught up in something... a phase..." or something of that sort. Maybe i do think i know more than i really do.. maybe everyone else suppresses such thoughts better than I. It's depressing, if i think about it a bit, but not in a sorrowful sense. Life is just a bit harder if no one knows who you really are.. that's all.

Nature has always appealed to me. I love nature as i do my own self and others, seeing how we take a significant part in our own, as well as others', nature. Aesthetics have always been of admiration, although i have just recently learned that word.. I've always known the beauty and essence of beauty, though. Just as recent as my new knowledge of my new vocabulary, i have learned to express such aesthetics through language. This is a major step up in my personal life. Thank you God. Thank you Spirit. Thank you everyone. Good night.

..1.618

1.19.05

I was sick for the past week and a half.. not sure if it was a sinus infection...

Today, as well as the past week and a half, has been somewhat blurry. If i think really hard about that week, i could remember everything. I did manage to complete my homework, get to class on time, eat, sleep, and etc., but all in a common day's blur. I think it was the antibiotics i took.. not entirely sure..

Tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday are all days of the National Association of Music Merchants show, or the NAMM show. The guitarist for one of my bands, Keith Perry, is going to be playing in a Curt Mangan Strings booth on Saturday; yeah, Saturday i think. He is truly an amazing guitarist; 16 of age and a professional sponsorship! woooo..

I'm going to make tea now.

I read a story about Christopher Columbus today. The true story, from what i know. I'll post the link so whoever can read it if they want, but it basically talks about how bad the Europeans treated the so called Indians. The general story about Columbus that is taught across America isn't wrong, but there is some truth its lacking; from what i see as important truth. It's some pretty brutal stuff, so shield your eyes when needed.

http://www.bitterfilms.com/flies.html Linkage, woot.

Anyways, i would like to write more but i'm really not in the mood. I'm not angry, depressed, happy, excited.. but just a bit blurry. Day five of antibiotics has already past, so maybe all of this blurriness isn't related to that. I think my mind just wants to spend some quality time with a good friend of mine. Hint, hint.

Good night everybody.

1.11.06

I pray that when the stars flicker,
and when she drinks some watery tea,
when she looks upon the all the triangles within the sky,
she will still smile.
I pray that when the sunset warms her,
and when the clouds are so beautiful.. mysterious,
when the two lights glisten in her eyes,
she will still smile.
I pray that when she hears a faint whisper of The Postal Service,
and when she smells vanilla chai,
when she meets a man named Quincy,
she will still smile.
And if a single tear is shed, i pray it is not in sorrow.
I pray it is shed for the same reasons as mine.
Smile. I pray you will still smile.

1.11.06

Just as life, and just as death; we have to accept what was, what is, and what will be. Everything is for the best, whatever the best may be.

Riddle me this, and together we shall sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."

1.8.06

I would have to say, as of now, my three favourite movies are American Beauty, Pink Floyd's The Wall, and the Shawshank Redemption. Why i like these movies, i couldn't completely explain. I suppose i find all aesthetically pleasing, both in my mind and to my eyes.

Within the past week, i've found a descent analogy to explain my thoughts about people's behaviour, in some aspects. I've always believed that every sane human, and maybe insane human, contains a bit of their true self.. does that make sense? Let's say that you fall in love with someone, and you know them...their true self. In twenty years, you find yourself looking at the same physical person, but they've changed. You can't see past their eyes anymore, and you can't...fall in love, so to speak. Well my belief is that the same person that you were once able to "fall in love with" or see into, is still there. Their 'core' is still the same, although the 'crust' has changed or developed in a different way than it once was. And how thick the 'crust' is, differs. Yeah?

..Why is ignorance bliss? I find that ignorance is stupidity, in many aspects.. but, i suppose there's an understandable reason to the saying.

I like to believe that quality is more influential than quantity, in most cases. I'm not entirely sure of this, but i figure that minimal quality times maximum quantity is less than maximum quality times minimal quantity... in our reality, that is. If our reality was infinite in all aspects, i would believe the opposite. Then again, the theory of reality and knowledge have slight wrinkles in them.. so to speak.

Too many words to describe how i feel and what i think... i'll keep trying, though. Anyways, Good night.

1.4.06

A bit weird typing 06...

The whole day i did homework. Strange enough, i had more fun than i did over a lot of winter break. I read a story about the Titanic. I'm sure whomever is reading this knows somewhat about the vessel.

I just realized that i didn't leave the house today. I guess i was a bit buisy doing homework and things of that sort. I wrote a persuasive essay countering persuasive essays, if that makes any sense. I don't necissarily like writing those kinds of essays, so i simply wrote why persuasive essays aren't fun. I suppose i'll share it with you.

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As of now, I have an assignment to write a persuasive essay. In all honesty, I don’t like writing persuasive essays simply because I usually recognize and understand the opposing side’s point of view. In other words, I understand both sides. I do think it is quite silly that the district, and maybe state, requires students to write an essay to persuade someone or something. What if a student, like myself, doesn’t feel lenient enough to take sides and try to change another’s personal view on a subject? I think it is wrong to try and “change” someone’s thoughts, or maybe even a law, especially if they are true to whomever it may occur.

I have always had trouble writing persuasive essays, simply because the reasons above. Every time I would receive an assignment, explaining what to write in order to persuade something, I would write an essay about Pokémon or some other silly subject in order to receive credit. I never liked the idea of changing one’s thoughts, even if they are completely blind to what may really be going on. In generalities, humans, as a whole, have reasonable thoughts and laws that I can accept and understand.

My English book says that I should choose an issue, state my position, consider my purpose and audience, and support my opinion. Choosing an issue shouldn’t be hard, right? Well, of course choosing an issue isn’t hard, to me at least. But choosing an issue in which I have to pick sides? Well, I’ll just be the referee. Now, to consider my purpose and audience: my purpose, as well as many others, is to gain credit so I can hopefully graduate. I do not wish to change one’s thoughts, a law, or any other issue in today’s world. I believe that everything happens because it is supposed to happen, even though fate lies in our hands, generally speaking. I could go on explaining my beliefs, but it would be irrelevant to the topic.

In the state standards for Writing, standards 1.0 and 2.4 explain, “(1.0) Students write coherent and focused essays that convey a well-defined perspective and tightly reasoned argument. The writing demonstrates students’ awareness of the audience and purpose. (2.4) Write persuasive compositions.” In the state standards 2.4b, 2.4c, and 2.4d, it explains, “(2.4b)Use specific rhetorical devices to support assertions. (2.4c) Clarify and defend positions with precise and relevant evidence. (2.4d) Address readers’ concerns, counterclaims, biases, and expectations.” These standards were listed in my English book to help students understand why we must write a persuasive essay. I agree with most of the standards, but in 1.0 it says, “Students write coherent and focused essays that convey a well-defined perspective and tightly reasoned argument.” Perspective is great, but why must we argue? I believe that if one chooses to keep personal thoughts to themselves, it should be accepted and understood. Just as religion stands in the US, if one doesn’t choose to express their religion, they don’t have to. Then again, there may be some law out there that I don’t know of that says otherwise.

I understand that authority cannot fully trust the lesser in society, as well as the lesser in society cannot fully trust authority. In this issue, if law were to abide some of my thoughts, and allow a choice to the students to either write a persuasive essay or to not, many students would use the excuse of, “But, I don’t believe it is right to change someone’s thoughts,” to simply lie their way out of an assignment. Well, maybe we could have a choice between a persuasive essay, and some other relative essay, or change the wording in some of the state standards for Writing. Not every person is constructed of the same matter and I’m sure that I am not the only student who stands from my standpoint. Whether or not my thoughts are acted upon, I generally do not care for. I have received credit, but even more, I have crawled my way through the gap in writing standards of California by writing a persuasive essay countering persuasive essays. Three cheers for persuasive essays! Hip, hip, hooray.

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Not very interesting, but hey, i'm getting credit. Woohoo. This is only the first draft, but i don't think there'll be many significant changes.

I have a fish now. His name is Quincy. My friend named him that. Hes a faint blue betta, with some purple and white. A beautiful gift, really. The best one yet. I showed Quincy the computer the other day, and he seemed interested in the mouse. I'd like to show him more of whats out there; he seems interested. It would be fun.

I suppose i need rest. I wanted to write tonight because three words decided whether or not i was going to sleep tonight. After everything looked dull and dim, an almost ordinary phrase cleared the skies. I love you.