Tuesday, November 29, 2005

11.29.05

Oh sweet sweet muffin, do away with thy pain of hunger and indigestion...

I haven't been my usual, pensive self lately. I'm sure it is because of my homework and lack of sleep that I've been experiencing.

I have, though, been very thankful. It's strange how this feeling came over me a bit before thanksgiving. It's strange to think that you can lose someone, or someone could lose you at this very moment. Anything can happen, literally anything. I don't find this sad, because everything happens simply because it happens. It is strange though...

I've been facinated, lately, with the nature of the human mind. Things like, "What makes us love?" and "In what cercumstance does man lose himself in such a way to where he physically kills another?" Strange questions, yes. There are, of course, millions upon millions of thoughts and questions being processed along with those, seeing how those are only examples.

What facinates me most, is that there is always a logical answer. Two very opposing, yet very corresponding, categories of this type of logic are science and religion. The answer to "What makes us love?" could be in scientific terms, "Pheromones, attraction to appearance, and attraction to personality." I find this reasonable and very true. Another answer that could be in religious terms is, "Because God meant it to be, God has a plan for everyone, and this is just a part of it." I find this, too, reasonable and very true. The question isn't necissarily a great example, but then there is the question, "What made this place we call 'Earth?'"

Well, some scientists believe that matter in space gathered together, forming a structure like the Sun. This Sun, over billions and billions of years, deteriorated and formed an environment in which organisms formed and so on. There are billions of other theories out there.

Many religions / religious doers, tend to disagree with these scientific theories. In Christianity, for example, the Bible states that God formed Earth in six days. Many other theories are out there, but I'm not going to explain them all. I do think, though, that both science and religion correspond with each other. When reading the Bible, i don't necissarily believe the physical story that it tells. I don't necissarily disagree with them either. I pay more attention to the moral of the story in general. It is sort of like when you read Aesop's fables, the moral is what Aesop is trying to get across to you, not necissarily the physical story.

I'm glad i believe what i do, and understand, for the most part, what other people believe as well. As long as there is truth behind the answer, i can usually understand it. Everyone has a beautiful mind, as long as it isn't courrupted by the things of this world. I would love to swim upon these beautiful thoughts of everyone.
Slowly, i am...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

11.27.05

I feel strange tonight. My mind is so full, yet empty...

Something inside me is crying. Something inside is missing...beauty.

It feels as if i am depressed about something, i don't know what. It feels as if i am neutral, but opposing sides are pulling... Something. My soul, it cries. It should cry. It's human nature. Maybe I'm tired. I'm always tired...its still crying.

I'm not comfortable. Maybe something is wrong. Who knows...

It stopped crying.

American Beauty is a beautiful movie. It is one of my favourites. It makes me sit and think about everything. It makes me appreciate everything; the essence of beauty in everything.

I like to sit and admire what I see. It's nice to take reality as it is and cherish it. Love it. Once I see beauty, I realize how life is working out. Problems that once tore me apart are now simple explanations to the long unsettled question, "why?"

Beauty is something i cannot explain fully. It is as if God himself looks upon you for an instance or for an eternity, whichever pleases the moment...

I realize I have something many haven't found yet. I realize i have something that many will never find, in this lifetime anyways. It is a feeling. It is an emotion. I would say "it is indescribable" but it isn't. It is like hope, it is a feeling of comfort. You cannot force hope upon yourself, it simply comes when it comes. Everything is okay; everything is perfect.

Yes...everything is perfect.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

11.26.05

Today was a good day. I tore down all of my surf and skate pictures that i had posted on my walls, untouched for about 3 and a half years. It was refreshing.

Last night i had an amazing talk with my friend, online...

I asked her, "If you had one wish, what would it be; other than 'more wishes' or something like that." She said, "Probably something Miss America esque...like to end world poverty/hunger." We went on into a deep discussion about how much power you could have, with only one wish. Having a bunch of wishes, could be like playing the roll of God. Our discussion went along this basis...

If you wished for a bunch of wishes, an eternity of wishes, what would reality be? Nothing.

Of course, you could say, "But i would only use the wishes in troublesome situations, and i would think about every wish very carefully." But having such power... the power to do anything you desired...

If i had such wishes, there would most likely be some point in my life in which i would wish for something stupid...and after i realized what I've done, i would most likely wish myself out of the consequence. Therefore, what would reality be? It would be nothing. It would be non other than something you can manipulate and control. There would be no point in reality, generally speaking.

I just then realized that there are things on this Earth that have such power. Not the power to change the physical reality, but to change our own, mental reality. Things like drugs and maybe even other 'sins' and 'unlawful things' that i can't think of right now. You can take a drug, a mind-altering one. Doing so would simply alter your brain to the point in which you are 'high.' When you are high, you experience a new reality. I see it as an unnatural, fake reality. That is my own opinion, though...

People may take drugs to get out of situations of some sort... once you take it, you are put in this new world. Once you come back to the physical world, you may go back to this "new world" again. And again. And again. It's like a wish. You can get out of your bad situation and forget about it, truly, for a moment. People don't realize that their "new world" is fake. One that a substance brought them into. Some get lost in this reality, and stay lost. It is sad...

I felt happy after this conversation. I've always known these things in my heart, but could never get it in words. It was the first night i have. Even tonight, i had trouble turning my thoughts into words. It was an amazing conversation.
11.26.05

Everyone is asleep and the house is quiet. Grandma is spending the night. It's kind of cold...

Religion has always been an interest to me. Although many kids, and adults, run from it or seek non other than what they know, i have a want for more. More knowledge.

It seems as if religion is simply a label for your spiritual beliefs. The word 'Christianity' is a label for those who believe Jesus is Christ, and believe in the teachings of Jesus. This is what dictionary.com says:

Christianity:
n 1: a monotheistic system of beliefs and practices based on the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus as embodied in the New Testament and emphasizing the role of Jesus as savior.

I do not know what 'category' my belief is put under. I think that i lack enough knowledge to categorize and label myself as a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, or everything else out there.

..I do wear a cross on my neck. My mother gave it to me when i was 7. It has a dent in it, because i was shot by a gun and the bullet hit the cross and it saved me, or i dropped it down the drain and bent it while fishing it out; whichever one is more exciting for you. If someone was to ask if i we're Christian i would say "I don't know." I do strongly admire Jesus and his ways of teaching, according to scripture. Whether or not he is Christ, i do believe he is a holy man, and i respect that much. That's why i wear it...and also because it has family significance.

Religion is our own. It is personal. It is when extreme actions take place, then the world hates you for your belief.

I want to say so much more...there's so much going on in my mind. No one likes reading though. I hope someone will read. Maybe you can join me someday...

Friday, November 25, 2005

11.25.05

Life is non other than life itself. Live it. Love it. Cherish it.

If this is not enough information, I can tell you this. The word “life” is like the word, “opinion:” it is solely your own. Your life, is the answer. Now, to receive and accept that answer, differs in everyone. If you want, life can be the moment the sperm is conceived within the egg. It could be the point of birth from the parent. It could be the way you live on Earth, or in your own world. It could be anything. The answer lies in your hands.

There are many more thoughts that I will later discuss.