A cat made of an irregular plastic bag, and hours spent on the works of this very picture. Love it. Cherish it.

2.21.06

It feels like forever since I've last written. Relationships have grown, new toys came in the mail.. a bullet (or seven) even took someone's life just a block away from my house. A rare tragedy in a town of 1,500.

Joe Pony is the name of a band that I'm in. Since middle school, our trio has grown to be somewhat recognized across the central coast; winning the 1st annual battle of the bands, gigging and such, etc. Our bassist / lead vocalist decided to bail on us about half a year ago. It's not a tragic loss, albeit a missed one. I like how things are going now, though. Joseph needed change; an evolution, a maturing.

Personal hygiene time.

I could not possibly be thankful enough to those who have made me into what i am today. And to everyone and everything that i love, my deepest gratitude is to you. Sometimes I'm even lucky enough to give you a hug as a showing of thanks. I am always extremely grateful of it.

An update on personal philosophy:

1. Free will. When speaking in terms of 2. the multiverse or parallel universes, free will is simply a path chosen and taken by one's consciousness; a path limited to an infinite (3. or possibly finite) amount of possibilities and/or universes. Thus said, this one's 'free will' counters the defined meaning of one's true free will. Makes you think, yeah?

1. Free will
n.

1. The ability or discretion to choose; free choice: chose to remain behind of my own free will.
2. The power of making free choices that are unconstrained by external circumstances or by an agency such as fate or divine will.

2. In quantum mechanics, a parallel universe, also sometimes called an alternate universe which exists separately from our own. Some theories of physics postulate the existence of many parallel universes, possibly even an infinite number. Depending on the details of the theory, these universes may or may not interact with each other. The word "multiverse" has been proposed to refer to the collection of all universes.

3. As Ouspensky wrote in In Search of the Miraculous:
"Every moment of time contains a certain number of possibilities, at times a small number, at others a great number, but never an infinite number. It is necessary to realize that there are possibilities and impossibilities. I can take from this table and throw on the floor a piece of paper, a pencil, or an ash-tray, but I cannot take from the table and throw on the floor an orange which is not on the table. This clearly defines the difference between possibility and impossibility. There are several combinations of possibilities in relation to things which can be thrown on the floor from this table. I can throw a pencil, or a piece of paper, or an ashtray, or else a pencil and a piece of paper, or a pencil and an ashtray, or a piece of paper and an ash-tray, or all three together, or nothing at all. There are only these possibilities. If we take as a moment of time the moment when these possibilities exist, then the next moment will be a moment of the actualization of one of these possibilities. A pencil is thrown on the floor. This is the actualization of one of the possibilities. Then a new moment comes. This moment also has a certain number of possibilities in a certain definite sense. And the moment after it will again be a moment of the actualization of one of these possibilities..."

In my personal belief, i agree with Ouspensky for the most part. I believe that his example shows a possibility of impossibility. Thus somewhat finalizing the saying, "anything is possible."

2.12.06

The moon was full tonight. Clouds gathered around the light and appeared white in the black night. They were the swirly type, not the fluffy ones (and yet still very soft looking). I stopped and admired it for what seemed like a short while, although it probably wasn't.

The sunset was gorgeous, too; the deepest reds and oranges i've seen in the sky to date. I hope everyone glanced at it for at least a second or two. I liked how the clouds appeared dark in day, and light at night. Very paradoxical. I still find the sky to be such a mystery, but one i can somewhat understand. It's beauty and nature brings tears to my eyes, and i love it. If the sun weren't so bright, I'd probably think the same of it as well.

I was tired for what seems like the whole day, which may explain my lacking of sociality. A friend's birthday party was today, and i couldn't say i was on my best act. There wasn't one, really; never is, if you want to get intimate.. I simply couldn't think, so i did nothing socially. I just kind of sat in my own mind excrement. Occasionally, i would gain a bit of thought and want to go on an adventure of some sort, but it was later worn down by something or other.

I'm sorry if I always appear to come off this way. I hope someday i can find a way to give you an opportunity to see me through my own eyes and my own soul, and clear up this picture that is already seemingly so clear. Nothing in the reality of today, or tomorrow, can extinguish this smile that is inside me. Nothing.

2.7.06

I asked for the skies to be painted, and they were painted. Today is going to be a good day, i thought.

I was told, "You are a dreamer" the other day. Mmm, yes. That's not all i do, though.

My fish just had an itch and used a rock to scratch itself. How fun.

I've been on antibiotics for a while now. I have some sort of throat infection thing where the side is all swollen and some puss is coming out. Yum. I wouldn't really mind having a bad throat if it weren't for the disability to sing without coughing every five seconds.

I told someone i love, "Take away my life and the beauty that surrounds it, and i will kill myself." But kill is such an ugly word..

I suppose now is about time i end my good night's writings; i have nothing else to say really. I pray everyone a good night, or morning, or perhaps afternoon if you really want to get fancy.

2.2.06

Ahh.. great book, a great book The Da Vinci Code is. There is a deeper meaning within, there really is.

I'm excitedly waiting for the next opportunity to go to Barnes and Noble's, even though the store is located fifteen minutes away from where i live. The prior trip, primarily to buy The Da Vinci Code, was incredibly refreshing. My dad took me there after class and we must've stayed there for at least two hours. He was stuck on some books about Da Vinci, as i was finding my way through every philosophy book inside the store. I was a little child in a candy store.

Angels and Demons, you're next.

I don't think many people understand my religion as i would like them to. In today's society, it can be incredibly hard to believe anything with so many voices shouting in our ears. Sometimes we have our guard up so tight, we don't even notice something slipping though. I like to open up to every thought i hear, to an extent of course; not to an extent of what someone may say, but more of how i take it in. I like to consider.

"My religion consists of humble admiration of the illimitable superiour spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
-Albert Einstein

If i find a way better way to put that in my own words, i will post it. I promise.

If you haven't read The Da Vinci Code yet, my apologies are to you, for i have already said too much. Please do not look for this deeper meaning i speak of. Enjoy the book as it was meant to be enjoyed: from beginning to end, full of suspense. After all.. you do not find the Grail, the Grail finds you. Good night.