11.27.05

I feel strange tonight. My mind is so full, yet empty...

Something inside me is crying. Something inside is missing...beauty.

It feels as if i am depressed about something, i don't know what. It feels as if i am neutral, but opposing sides are pulling... Something. My soul, it cries. It should cry. It's human nature. Maybe I'm tired. I'm always tired...its still crying.

I'm not comfortable. Maybe something is wrong. Who knows...

It stopped crying.

American Beauty is a beautiful movie. It is one of my favourites. It makes me sit and think about everything. It makes me appreciate everything; the essence of beauty in everything.

I like to sit and admire what I see. It's nice to take reality as it is and cherish it. Love it. Once I see beauty, I realize how life is working out. Problems that once tore me apart are now simple explanations to the long unsettled question, "why?"

Beauty is something i cannot explain fully. It is as if God himself looks upon you for an instance or for an eternity, whichever pleases the moment...

I realize I have something many haven't found yet. I realize i have something that many will never find, in this lifetime anyways. It is a feeling. It is an emotion. I would say "it is indescribable" but it isn't. It is like hope, it is a feeling of comfort. You cannot force hope upon yourself, it simply comes when it comes. Everything is okay; everything is perfect.

Yes...everything is perfect.