maybe it's all in some kind of pattern. we can't seem to enjoy new years together. i remember what it was like two years ago. it wasn't much like this year's, but we weren't together and we didn't seem to enjoy ourselves like we could've. i'm confused. about now. about what's going to happen. i'm scared for myself, but i'm not scared right now. right now. i'm terrified. right now. i want you to understand. but it can't happen right now. too much is going on. right now. there's too much going on. i'm not going to torture you right now. i'm not ever going to torture you. i can't. i want to tell you everything. i want to give you everything. but it's not going to happen until you're better. i wish everything could be better. right now. i don't know what i'm saying. i've had a fever. i haven't been to school lately. my stomach hurts. (fuck this). i guess i'm going to bed.